SeaSalt
by littlewolflover .chrispy
Summary: RikuXSora I suck at summaries... Boy on boy YAOI WARNING! Citrus? set after all three gamesCan Riku express his feelings? What will happen when Sora loses everything? Can Riku save him from the darkness? RIKU POV angsty fluff..enjoy!
1. Blood & Tears

Sea-Salt By Littlewolflover

Declaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts!!! Damn you SquareEnix!!!! And fucking Disney! Doujins are so rare cuz of you!!!!!!! I own two very sweet RoxasXAxel ones though bwahahahaahha!

Warning: Suicide attempts!!! Maybe some citrus if I don't kill anyone… Some cussing??? Ah… okay here we go

YOAI!!!!!!! BOYXBOY If you don't like it don't read it!!! I will delete your review (as I have had to do) if you flame me about it!! Again

BOY ON BOY ::yelling::

Thank you, now if you like it read on!!!

Yo! This is an author's note! I wrote the beginnings of this story over a year ago, a few days after I'd beaten Kingdom Hearts II. After this chapter I'm going to explain myself a bit.. a lot of the premise for this story goes very deep into the game's storyline. I absolute love the storylines for these games and the messages and and.. the deepness!!! XDDD I love deepness and I got very philosophical when I played all three games. Sorry about how long this chapter looks.. it's in a very weird weird format…. So it's not really that long at all XDD Keeping the verb format was a challenge… when it breaks that was not an error.. It is on purpose. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sea-Salt

Chapter one: Blood & Tears (heartache)

I still remember when he fell on his knees before me, eyes full of huge tears. As they streamed down his sot cheeks leaving stinging streaks I could feel on my heart, he whispered to me in a voice I could barely hear.

'Riku"

To hear him say my name so breathlessly… I had to clench my fists violently to control my emotions.

"I-I looked for you…for so long…Riku.." he gasped through his tears. I couldn't bear to look in his eyes, wide open and full of salty tears.

I had looked away.

"Now we can go back together."

The smile on his face tore my heart to pieces. I knew I was already gone. I had already surrendered my heart to the darkness.

I didn't even have my own face anymore.

When Ansem the Wise was killed by his own invention, I got my body back

He must have thought my struggle was over, but the cool fabric of my blindfold only reminded me of my decision; of my betrayal to my only true friend.

I had worn the blindfold with a single purpose, to lie to him, to hurt him.

I knew who Roxas was. I had not wasted my time in Castle Oblivion, I knew about the nobodies; about Namine. I could see Kairi in her eyes even when she herself could not remember. As I could see him in Roxas.

I knew hurting Roxas meant hurting him but it had to be done. I had to see those beautiful eyes again. Those eyes, as blue as the ocean I've spent so many hours staring at.

The depths I've found in those eyes.

So I donned my pale blue blindfold so he could not see my deception, for I could never hide my lies from even just mirrors of those deep blue depths.

"You can't lie to the one you truly love." Was what Ansem the Wise had said to me when he handed me the simple piece of cloth. He must have known how far I would go, that I'd surrendered my heart. He was a truly wise man to see the truth in my eyes.

My struggle has not ended.

We have defeated Xenmas and have lived in peace on our islands for over a year now. He thought we could live together as we had before. He must have thought I could forget what I had done and the effect 'Ansem' had on me, on my heart. In truth, the darkness never left me. I didn't think it ever would.

He's so innocent, so pure. His innocence was what gave rise to these intense feelings. He'd do anything for anyone. So easily trusting… so naïve.

Barley seventeen and yet he understands so much about pain and darkness. He's seen the world of light and of darkness we each have within ourselves.

…and yet he is so naïve.

I thought that one day I'd be able to tell him… to whisper these thoughts in his ear. I know he'd listen, but I've been afraid.. so afraid.

Afraid he'd see the darkness in me.

Or maybe he'd be disgusted by these feelings. I didn't think I could take being rejected by him… by his pure cerulean eyes.

I know he'd be dejected, not wanting to cause me pain. He's a wonderful person like that. He'd try his best to let me down, he may even have tried to entertain my feelings or tell me the darkness was gone.

Even so, his heart, his beautiful shining heart devoid of the darkness of which I fear so much, belonged to someone else.

Kairi.

I've tried my best to hate her, to destroy my memories of her… but I can't hate her..

Because he loves her…

It's killed me inside.. watching him with her, knowing I could never have him, never have his love.

Everyday I'd watched him, happily oblivious. I guess I'd gotten good at hiding it. I wanted to say it once.

Just once

I love you

I love you

I love you Sora…

I ran over these thoughts as I held a glistening blade over my dark vein. I won't lie, I had been afraid. I had been afraid to see the blood dripping from my wrist slowly, landing on the smooth trunk of the Paopu tree.

My blood must have been like poison to the tree… that tree so full of meaning…

I had felt my hands, me eyes.. my entire body became like lead, but yet so warm. The cut I had made must have been shallow.

It took so long for the darkness to take me.

"Riku"

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"Riku…??"

My eyes opened slowly and my mouth opened and closed in silence. Through my heavily glazed eyes I could see a vision of pure light. Cinnamon brown hair, perfectly tanned skin and a face contorted into a look of shock and worry.

I'd reached my hand up slowly to caress away this angel's worry, expending the remainder of the strength that had drained away with my blood.

I'd tasted a sweet saltiness on my lips and gave into its flavor, thinking of the sweet sea-salt ice-cream I had shared with him in better days.

I awoke completely, unsure of how long I'd been asleep, my wrist swollen with pain. My ears were ringing and my body felt no lighter than it had when I'd lost all that blood.

An hour passed before I regained my sense of self. It took a few more before I realized I was no longer atop the branches of the Paopu tree.

"I guess I failed."

I had muttered to myself. I noticed the blood-stained fabric tied tightly around my swollen wound. It had once been white and obviously part of something larger. Finally, I began to notice my surroundings.

I was in his house, in his room.

I'd turned my head into his pillow with all my strength.

'So this is his scent.'

I'd thought as the scent of spice, cinnamon and the sea air assaulted my senses.

'Would his body be this warm?'

He'd walked in the door just then. He'd rushed to my side, his white shirt torn in pieces.

"Riku, you idiot! How could you have done such a thing?!"

I'd realized then that the sea-salt ice-cream had been his tear, for they were falling then.

Because of me.

"Why didn't you come to me? I could have helped you!!"

Why? Hadn't he realized he was the cause of my anguish? Did he really believe he could help me?

Such a beautiful… naïve boy.

"I'd do anything for you Riku! Didn't I prove that to you!!?!"

I remember how powerful my desire to kiss him was at that moment.

He had been speaking the truth. I knew what he had done for me. I knew I could have talked with him.

But I was afraid.

My cowardice had once again brought him to tears.

The only person I had ever trusted… ever loved.

He'd knelt down beside me, placing his hand across my forehead. I'd felt my face flush and I had been forced to look away.

"At least your fevers gone.." He'd sighed, obviously having given up hope he'd receive an answer from me.

"S-Sora' I was finding it hard to speak. "I'm sorry." With my face turned.. I was able to mutter this single phrase. If I had to guess I'd say those words satisfied him, for he ran his soft fingers across my cheek.

"Just never do it again! … or I'll never forgive you. Now get some more rest. My mom will bring you some soup later."

He'd left with those words and I'd obeyed him once again closing my heavy eyelids and giving into the darkness of sleep.

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The next time I awoke I was till in his room. My bloodstained clothing was hanging over his chair.

"My mom changed you. Sorry… she insisted."

He'd walked in presenting a steaming bowl of tomato soup and a plate of sugar cookies. I'd noticed his right hand was covered in another torn piece of his white shirt.

"The cookies are for your blood sugar. You'd better eat them all!!"

He'd sat the tray next to me and handed me a spoon. I really had no desire for food, still brooding over my recent failure.

"Riku…"

Hi voice had been so soft.

"Please eat. Please…. We're all so worried about you.'

Even if Xemnas himself had burst through the door I would not have stopped eating.

The smile that illuminated his face as I handed back an empty tray gave my heart a fluttering skip. My mouth had once again moved without sound.

"S-Sora… I"

I'd been so close.

"I"

Kairi had chosen the most inopportune moment to unceremoniously burst through his bedroom door.

"Riku!!!"

She'd stomped across the room and I'd received a hard slap to the head.

"K-Kairi…. He's injured..'

He voice sounded torn.

She had him whipped I'm sure.

"It's his own fault!" She had wheeled around to face him, then turned back to continue her verbal assault. "How could you make the entire island worry about you like that?!!"

The entire island? I don't remember anyone else bursting into the room.

"Tidus and Wakka and…."

Did those names really mean anything to me?

"…and poor Sora-chan!"

I remember the pain that shot through my heart when I was once again reminded of his tears.

"Stupid Sora lied! His mom didn't make that soup! He tried to make it himself!" He'd grabbed his right hand.. he flinched. "He even burned himself making it!!"

Once again I felt that sharp pang of guilt.

"He stayed by your side all night! Didn't even sleep!!!"

His face had turned bright red and he'd bitten his lip softly.

"K-Kairi…"

How cute.

That's girls words gave me a new hope that day. Maybe, even if he had belonged to her, he could accept my feelings.

After having been forced to listen to her lecture for another hour, Kairi left us alone, sighing and mumbling as she went.

I'd been feeling much better after the sugar cookies. I had stood, recoiling slightly from the cold wooden floor under my bare toes.

"Umph!"

I had called out as I felt a warm mass push me back onto the bed.

"No.."

I realized then that he was lying on top of me. I had sucked in air quickly and bit my lip.

"S-S..Sor—"

I had been shaking and could not even say his name.

"No!" He had lifted his head to face me. I could feel his warm breath on my cheeks. I was completely speechless.

"M-My mom said you lost too much blood and you _had_ to stay in bed for a least a few days!!"

His voice had sounded so …frantic; shaking.. I've always been scared to hear that voice.

"I'm fine, real---"

My voice had caught in my throat as he wrapped his arms around my neck. He had been squeezing so tightly,… as if for dear life. My mouths movements were futile, I had not been able to find a voice.

"Please Riku.." he'd had his face buried in the crook of my neck. I felt the warmth of his cries.. the wetness of his tears…

I could feel his heartbeat.

He had moved against me and I could only clench my fists in the sheets and close my eyes… praying he would not notice the hardening lump beneath him and a single layer of clothing.

"I looked for so long!! I searched so hard to bring us all together again!"

So innocent.. So beautiful..

"I won't lose you again!"

He'd yelled those words into my ear.

My heart, my soul, my being had become overwhelmed by his light. I would have given the world to stay this way…

Unfortunately, the world is made of light and darkness… such a bright light required a piercing darkness.

"I'm so scared…"

I'd felt him swallow and sigh against my throat before continuing.

"I've been scared since we came back… I thought I did a bad thing by saving you. I asked myself over and over again… would you have been better off in the darkness??"

Would I have been?

"I knew you were hurting. I knew you didn't want to come back."

He had been wrong. I had wanted to come back… I wanted to be with him. I began, at that moment, to understand my mistake…

"Riku.. I've seen you watching me and Kairi. I've seen the hurt look on your face."

I'd been scared and excited in the same moment. Did he know about my feelings? Would he accept them? Would he hate me? My mind was racing and I'd all but forgotten that he was still lying atop me.

"Sora I.."

"Do you …."

My eyes had closed involuntarily.

"…love her??"

Oh. He thought I loved Kairi. My mind had gone numb for a while, I was unable to produce an answer.

"I thought so … I'm so sorry."

That frantic voice had come back.

"I don't know what to do… I.."

I began to fear I was drowning in all the wetness he'd left in my neck and shoulders.

"I don't want to lose my best friend.. I..I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here anymore."

I really thought I would cry.. right then… his words penetrated my heart and it took all I had to keep myself from kissing him.

"Please don't hate me Riku.. Please…"

His voice had been so soft… it was like a small child's. After this he became silent, but still sobbing into my neck. I had to wonder whether or not he realized the position he was in.

"I could never hate you Sora."

I had closed my eyes and reached my arms upward to enclose his small form in a tight embrace.

He'd seemed so small to me then. Maybe it was because I'd grown so much… or maybe it was because he had been so frail in those moments.

We stayed that way until he'd fallen asleep, still lying on top of me. He must have been exhausted.

Afraid of what his mother might think if she'd found her precious son on top of another boy, I carefully lifted myself; keeping him close to my chest. I stood, lifting his legs to hold him as a mother would a child.

He is so much more precious to me than even that.

Convincing myself, sorrowfully, that I could not hold him forever, I gently placed him into the sheets of his bed.

He was so sweet looking, just lying there, eyes closed softly. I'd reached over him to open the window to his veranda when I'd heard a small moan escape his lips. A small, sweet sleep-filled sound that melted my heart.

How cute. I think I may have fallen in love with him all over again, right then and there.

I'd gathered my clothing from the back of his chair and climbed over him and out his window.

That night, as I walked back home, I had tasted the sea-salt ice-cream on my lips again.

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I'd heard from Tidus how angry he had been when he'd discovered me missing. I would have loved to stay.

"Arr—ah!"

He came at me with Oathkeeper drawn, and knocked me backwards. (1)

"Riku.. you idiot." He'd positioned himself into a fighting stance. "If I beat you, you have to lay down for the rest of the week!"

I'd grinned at him, pulling forth Way to the Dawn.

"You're on.."

He'd attacked first and I'd dodged it easily. I'd earned a growl after he'd picked himself up and dusted himself off.

"Riku."

I'd grinned again, attempting to make him angrier.

"Sora."

I'd let him attack again. We'd fought for about five minutes before fatigue set in. He had seemed so angry.

His anger had made it an easy victory.

He abandoned his Keyblade and, knocking me on the soft beach of our island, tried to pin me beneath him.

As much as I wanted to let him win, I had no intention of lying down for an entire week. So, I'd flipped him under me and pinned him down with ease. Holding myself up with one hand I'd grinned at him.

"Who's the Keyblade master?"

This only seemed to anger him further, but not for the reason I'd thought.

"Riku! You absolute idiot!"

He'd screamed these words in my face and using all of his strength, threw me off of him and into the salty ocean water. Before I could get myself out of the water he had already taken off. I'd never seen him run so fast before and haven't since.

Before heading back home, I'd seen Kairi run after him into our special place.

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After the incident at the beach, days passed before I'd seen more than a passing glance of him. It was over a week before he'd spoken to me, but even then it wasn't much more than a few grunts to acknowledge my presence… but I was not the only one receiving this treatment.

Yuffie, Tidus, and Wakka all came to me in succession, asking what I had done to anger him.

I had told them I didn't know, but in truth I had believed my very presence was causing him pain. It had made me want to try again, to once again poison that beautiful tree with my blood.

But that would hurt him too wouldn't it?

After two weeks of this cold treatment, the island became silent. Everyone must have realized what his light meant to them, how important his smile was.

I had spent the last two days on the island alone, thinking about him and nothing else.

He'd grown since our last trip to Kingdom Hearts. He was taller and leaner at seventeen then he'd been as a younger boy. His body had grown stronger and fit but his face stayed the same.

His face has always been soft and child-like….his eyes….big and wide and of the deepest depths of cerulean blue.

His skin had tanned from playing in the sun, making him glow even more than he did on his own.

I'd closed my eyes, forming an image of his smile in my mind as the rain dripped down from the blackening sky.

When I'd opened them he stood before me, his head down, his hair drenched and matted to his cheeks and his fingers clenched into fists so tight his knuckles had turned white.

I could hear him hiccupping and gasping as one does when in eccentric sobs, but his tears had mingled with the rain. I couldn't help but think that they were tainted with the water from the black sky. They wouldn't taste like sea-salt ice-cream.

"S-Sora?"

I'd called out to him. It seemed as though he was many miles away, even though he was but a few feet from the base of the tree. I'd jumped from the branch I had been sitting on and stood in front of him.

"Sora?"

I had tried to reach him, once again to no avail. I had no idea what to do. We had stood in the now pouring rain, facing each other.

I had so wanted to kiss him.

"R-Ri-Ri…ku…"

Finally, a cracked voice had come from the frail shuddering body before me. Not long after that, the poor boy had finally cracked. He'd fallen to his knees in sobs, face in his hands. His sobs had become louder and more hysteric.

I'd stood over him, unsure of my place in his life. Why would he have chosen me to cry to? Was Kairi not home?

What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to help him?

It was then that he'd reached out to me. One arm busily wiping his face the other outstretched grasping for something solid. I'd grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. He could not stand on his own power any longer.

He'd dragged his own body, tripping over his own feet, while I led him to our secret place. I had so wanted him out of the rain so the black water would stop tainting him.

As soon as I'd stopped he'd collapsed upon himself. I'd sat against the wall staring at him in silence, unsure of what to do.

He had stopped sobbing. The cave had been enveloped in an eerie silence.

"What…" I'd swallowed.."What do you want me to do?"

I'd been surprised at myself. Why hadn't I asked him what was wrong? Why hadn't I tried to help him? Why was I asking him about myself?

"Just… P-Please.." He'd begun to shiver.."Please don't… don't go.."

"Sora…"

"Don't think little of me … be-because I'm crying." He'd returned to busily wiping the tears from his face. "Please… don't leave me… all alone.."

_Please don't leave me all alone. _

His words had echoed over and over again in my mind.

Not long after he'd fallen into hysterics once again, this time doubling upon himself. I'd reached out to him and pulled his body up to mine. His fingers had found my jacket and wound themselves tightly in the damp fabric.

I'd abandoned my fear.

He'd asked me not to judge him so I was sure he'd so the same for me.

I'd placed one arm around his back, rubbing softly. My other hand was on his cheek, caressing, my fingers wiping away his tears with utmost care.

I couldn't say how much time had passed before he'd quieted down, but when he had, I leaned into his wet hair and place a soft kiss on his scalp.

He must not have noticed.

I'd sighed in ecstasy. I knew how horrible it was, but I could not help the feeling of happiness that took me. Just holding him, just touching him, but I'd actually kissed him.

That happiness was short-lived.

"R-Riku, I'm sorry…"

I'd never imagined that my shining light could feel so much pain.. I'd always thought he was invincible to the darkness.

I'd always envied him, unwilling to give in, always smiling and trying his best, ever since we were little.

My Sora, my beautiful Sora, was now a wounded bird.

I want to see him fly again. (2)

"Sora.." I'd gathered all my courage to as him what I should have started with. "Please tell me…. What's hurting you so badly?"

He'd stayed silent for awhile. Whether or not he was asleep I had not known. All of a sudden, I'd heard him chuckle in sarcasm.

"It might make you happy.."

"…" What could I have said to that?

"Do you remember that day we fought?"

"You mean the day you attacked me?" I'd answered, trying to lighten the mood. It had worked a little, he'd chuckled again.

"And you kicked my ass? Yeah… that day." The sarcasm that had been present in his voice had made me laugh. "When I ran, I ran here…. Kairi followed me. She said a lot to me….. not all of it really registered I guess."

His words had confused me, what did Kairi have to do with anything?

"Kairi?"

"Yeah… she.." his voice had cracked again. "..she said I didn't belong with her…"

At that moment, a severe anger had taken me, I had been about to get up and look for her when he'd spoken again.

"You… c-can have her I g-guess.."

I think I could have heard his heart breaking.

"Sora, I'd never do that to you. I really hope you don't think so little of me."

"Thanks Riku"

"We'd stayed that way in silence until the rain had stopped.

I had almost hoped that he had noticed my kiss. I had wanted to kiss him again, to make him know…. Who I love is him and not Kairi.

Sora….

I'd leant down and into his hair again, letting the sweet cinnamon tufts tickle my cheeks. I remember being amazed at myself and how I had abandoned the fear that had gripped so tightly.

That feeling of fearlessness would not last long.

"I love her so much…"

I'd stood after that, needing to get away from him.

"R-Riku?"

"Sorry.. it's getting late.. I don't want your mom freaking out or anything."

"Yeah"

"Riku?"

"Yeah?" I'd become flustered and had turned to face the exit.

"Thank you." I'd bitten my lip and tasted the coppery blood that had drained from the bite.

"Are.. Are you sure you're going to be all right?"

"Yeah, I think I can avoid her for a few days." He'd grinned wildly. "Besides.. I'm the Keyblade master! I've saved all the worlds! I can handle a little darkness."

How I wish it was only a little darkness.

"Sorry.. I guess I was a little worried… but you're nothing like me."

"You.. you won't do that again will you?"

He had been looking at the ground while he was speaking. It had been obvious how he was afraid of my answer.

"Never."

I meant it.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He'd given me another wild grin.

"Time to go home huh?"

Although he had been grinning, my worry had not subsided. It had been obvious his darkness was not gone in the least bit.

That night, during the walk home, I'd decided that I would have to have a talk with Kairi.

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(1) Oathkeeper is the name of the Keyblade made when Kairi gives Sora her lucky charm. Way to the Dawn is the name of Riku's Keyblade. Noting that this is the Keyblade that he pulled from his own heart and not the Keyblade given to him by Maleficent. From Kingdom hearts chain of memories, King Mickey tells Riku that his darkness was not bad and to head for the dawn, the place in-between the light and the darkness. Basically not to be afraid of his darkness.

(2) Sora is the Japanese word for sky.. You would not get this without that info… XP

And just for your info… Riku is the world for island.. technically.. it means dry land in a body of water.. example: Fune wa dandan riku ni chikazukimashita. The ship approached the land.

Okay.. the premise for this story… I think I will explain it a bit in the next chapter but basically Sora went through a ton of shit just to get Riku and Kairi back to island. If he had lost either of them it would destroy him and make him venerable to the darkness again like Riku had been when he thought Sora had betrayed him. So when Kairi leaves him it tears him to pieces. He has the brightest heart in the worlds right? So when it breaks it would break harder than anyone else's. A bright light harbours a deep darkness.

Um.. that's all I care to explain at the moment.. but I have deep awesome thoughts about this story XDDDD so if you're really interested ask…

REVIEW… I'm not sure what to do with this story in particular so I may not finish it if I don't get anyone begging. R&R!!! If you find an error poo on you.. I need a beta.. I don't have time to check everything manually.

::bows:: Domo I love you all! Littlewolflover


	2. Love & Sorrow

Sea-Salt By Littlewolflover

Declaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts::huggles Roxas:: I wish I could have used you in this story.

Warning: Suicide attempts!!! Maybe some citrus if I don't kill anyone… Some cussing??? Ah… okay here we go

YOAI!!!!!!! BOYXBOY If you don't like it don't read it!!! I will delete your review (as I have had to do) if you flame me about it!! Again

BOY ON BOY ::yelling::

Thank you, now if you like it read on!!! ON WITH THE ANGST!!!!

Littlewolflover here! This is chapter two of Sea-Salt. Halfway through this chapter is where the story I'd wrote a year ago ended and I've picked it up now. So my style will prolly change a little bit. This chapter was long too… This story ended up in an entirely different direction than I'd intended and I even ending up adding an original character which I've never done before. I hope you don't hate her. I'll try and draw her for you. I warn you there will be some author notes thought the story in this chapter to explain my choice of words. And again, appreciate my painstaking labor to maintain the verb format, when it breaks it is on purpose. Thank you and enjoy.

Sea-Salt

Chapter two: Love & Sorrow

"Riku."

I'd spent the entire day following our night together searching for the cause of his affliction, but she'd found me.

"Kairi."

"Has Sora spoken to you at all? He hasn't even talked to his mother in the last two weeks."

Was she pretending that she hadn't hurt him?

"You're the only person he even said hello to. I was hoping he'd talked to you.

I had begun to grow angered.

"He did."

"And he told you?"

"He did."

"And I assume you're angry with me?"

"I am."

"And you want to know why?"

"I do."

She had sighed and turned her back to me.

"Just so you know... it isn't because I don't love him."

I'd opened my mouth to respond when she'd begun to walk to the shore.

"Wait"

"I'm not ready for him to know yet, so I wanna go to where no one will hear." She'd motioned to the bushes next to us where Tidus had been hiding. "See? News travels fast on this island."

I'd turned to glare at Tidus but he'd already taken off.

"Fine."

She'd lead me to the pier and we'd walked across it in silence. The island was once again empty... he'd not left his house that day. We'd sat next to each other on the branches of the Paopu tree.

"So?"

"Right…" she'd seemed reluctant to talk.

"You know how much you've hurt him right?"

"Yes?"

And you're okay with that?!!" I'd gotten angry again. She'd looked at me with eyes full of tears.

"I don't want to leave him."

"You're not making any sense."

"Sora is…. special… His heart is very important. Not just to us or him, but to the entire worlds. To say that that important heart belongs to you is a great honor."

She'd sighed again and let the tears that had welded up in her eyes finally fall.

"But I could never say that."

"Kairi"

I'd been so confused by her words.

"Its not that he doesn't love me, because I know he does, but he doesn't love me the way he thinks he does. He loves me the same as Jasmine or Bell or even Yuffie... It's just… I made a pass at him and he followed his heart."

Her words had been hurting her and it had become obvious why she didn't want him to hear them.

"We've kissed before." I'd felt my eye twitch involuntarily. "And it was as if he wasn't even there. He tries so hard… but it always ends up short or really bad."

I couldn't have found the right words to respond if we'd sat there for days.

"I guess what I should say, in short, is that his heart doesn't belong with me…. Sora's precious heart belongs with you."

It had taken me several seconds to process what she'd said.

"Wh-what?"

She'd wiped her tears away and jokingly punched me in the arm.

"Come on Riku!" She'd grinned at me knowingly. "It's beyond obvious how much you're in love with him."

I'd felt my cheeks burn.

"It.. It's not!"

The final attempt to hide my feelings from her.

"You think I'm stupid? You've always loved him, even before I came here.

She had not been lying.

"Have you ever thought of why you were so easily taken by Anse--.. er Xehanort?"

I'd never realized how much knew, how much she'd observed from beyond our too narrow views.

"And you know?" She'd smiled at me again and rubbed her hand into my hair, making it fizz in all directions.

"You followed him because they'd convinced you we'd betrayed you right?"

She'd fully known the extent of my love for him.

"He could take your heart because it was already broken.. because you couldn't handle Sora rejecting you.. or leaving you behind." She'd held my hand when I could no longer look at her. "Love can make the heart its strongest but it can also break it in two."

I'd heard that somewhere before.

"King Mickey told me that."

I'd smiled to myself. The king had said that to me when we were trapped in Kingdom Hearts together.

"He's pretty smart for a mouse huh?"

She'd smiled and my anger had completely left me.

"You think Sora will ever forgive me?"

"It's Sora you're talking about. He will but, it'll probably be a while." I'd thought of the previous evenings events. "He's… hurt pretty badly…"

"I know."

"You're not worried?" She'd looked over at me with sad eyes.

"So you saw it too?"

"Saw it?"

"The darkness…"

That was it. That was why I'd been so worried.

I'd seen the darkness.

"I pretended not to."

"I think Sora can overcome it."

I had not been so sure.

"But he'll need you help."

She had still been holding my hand, I believe mostly in desperation. She had been just as worried as I'd been… despite her words.

this is the point in the story where I recently picked it up. Sorry that is goes so much faster and gets all actiony…

"The door can always be opened… Kingdom Hearts will never disappear and neither will the darkness."

She had no idea how close she had been to the truth.

If the darkness in my own heart did not wither, then surely the darkness of the worlds was here to stay.

"He's vulnerable now."

Just as I had been when I opened the door.

"Will you help him?"

She had looked to me, tears streaming hotly as he gripped my hand tighter. I remember her attempts to comfort herself.. she'd rocked back and forth swaying her feet nonsensically.

"H-How?"

I had mumbled unable to look her in the face. I had tried so much to hate her and throw her away … there I had been, asking her for help.

For help to gain the beautiful boy's heart of which she'd thrown away.

How ironic.

She'd giggled in return to my question…an obvious attempt to evade her own tears…

She had tried so hard to smile at me.

She'd taken a deep breath and chewed on her lower lip before she answered.

"Riku."

Her voice had broken... she'd no longer held the confidence she'd had when she'd sought me earlier that day.

"You have to take my place." My heart had jumped and my grip became tighter than even hers had been.

"I… I couldn't.." My fear head gripped me tightly, straining my already cracked heart.

"He doesn't think of me as anything but a friend." I had looked downward at my own leg which had also begun to swing randomly, my body's attempt to bring comfort to my distressed mind.

"He's not gay. I would only make this worse."

I'd felt the hot sting of tears and once again tasted them in my mouth.

"I cou-ldn't stand…" I'd covered my face with my hands. "I couldn't stand to see him cry like that again."

Kairi had not been present in the cave that night he'd broken in front of me, but she'd seemed to understand. It seemed as though she'd known he would come to me..

That I would be destined to be the one to watch his heart break.

"So he finally cried to you?"

I'd ran my fingers lazily down the front of my face until my hand swung limply beside me.

"It was so hard to watch. I- I don't … I can't understand… He's so h-hurt."

"Riku."

I'd begun to realize why this had been so hard for me to bare.

She'd scooted closer to me and lightly laid her free arm around my shoulders in a gesture of friendly comfort.

"H-He's the most warm and… and the most beautiful person I've ever known. I've never seen him like that…" I'd begun to fall deeply into my tears.

"I l-love him so much… I envy his light s-so much. How could it have turned out t-this way?"

I must have sounded so desperate… finally speaking out loud what he means to me.

Kairi had sighed softly and smiled before she'd given me the insight she'd gained from watching us and no doubt things he'd told her in confidence.

"The brighter the light the larger it's shadow becomes."

Hadn't Ansem, no.. that man with no heart (1) told me that, long ago?

Had Kairi heard his voice too?

"Every heart has its darkness. Sora is no exception. He chose to stand in the light… but his shadow had finally caught up with him."

"I've always thought I was his shadow."

I had and probably always will. I'd long ago begun to believe I had been the cause of all his pains. It had been that belief that had driven me to stain blood red the very tree I'd been sitting on.

The deep black stains had not wasted away with the rain.

My sobbing had quieted enough for me to have looked her in the face.

"Sora's darkness is the same as yours.. he's afraid…. He is afraid of being alone."

_Please don't leave me all alone. _

His words had rung so loudly in my heart.

"This had to happen Riku."

Had to?

"I am not the one he loves… not truly and surely not forever."

'How could she decide that for him? At the cost of his heart?!'

My mind had screamed at me, my anger having temporarily returned…. but she had continued.

"He…" She'd smiled. "He crossed worlds for us. He braved the darkness of every world! …Just to bring us home..."

What he'd done for me, what he'd sacrificed.

For me.

"Can you imagine how much his fear must have grown? The fear of losing us… the two people he gave his own heart and soul to save?"

My hand had found my face again and I'd begun to choke in my sobs.

"He didn't cry for me Riku."

The realization of what I'd done to him had hit me hard. I had never imagined how frail he was. I'd had no idea the impact I'd had on his heart when he'd found me lying on the ground beneath the Paopu tree, the ground stained deep with my blood.

And he'd thought Kairi had left him too.

"S-Sora" I'd hiccupped his name my voice lined with pain-filled cries. "I…I didn't…"

I had been unable to continue with recognizable speech. Kairi had rubbed my back gently as I'd tried desperately…and vainly... to compose myself.

"It would have happened eventually Riku. I could not have stayed with him… regardless of what you'd done that day."

Amazing.

Kairi loved us both, I'd realized listening to her that day. She'd seen right into my heart ..past my tears..

Or had I been so easy to read?

"His heart is broken Riku."

I'd known. I'd watched it happen. If only I'd known what that meant.

"Are you ready to help him now?"

I'd walked home that night in a daze.. not thinking…not believing…not knowing what was to come.

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Seven days had passed since the night in our secret place … since his heart had cracked and shattered before me.

He'd not left his room in those seven days and I'd spoken to no one, spending my days… and nights… on the island alone… staring into the ocean that so reminded me of the depths of his eyes.

I had not known how to help him.

I'd still believed my feelings for him to be a burden… something that would only injure him further.

I wish I had told him.

I had once again been sitting alone.

I had been sitting on the dirt floor of our island's cave, running my fingers lightly over the drawings he'd made so many years ago. I'd noticed one I'd never seen before.

His face.

It was crude… childishly etched into the stone wall I'd sat next to.

Kairi.

How much pain she must be in.

How much this must hurt her.

As those thoughts had run through my head my world began to fall around me.

"I've found someone else to open the door Riku."

I'd jumped from the ground, believing my heart had exploded within my chest.

'He's dead… he's dead… I saw him die….'

I'd turned on my heels, expecting to see my nightmare before me.

A tall pale-skinned woman had stood directly behind where I'd sat. She'd been busy plucking weeds and greenery from the wall she had been facing.

"B-But we destroyed the organization… the heartless are…"

There was no way that anything else had appeared that way… not in front of the door.

My eyes had widened and my heart had caught in my throat. She'd appeared behind me… in a matter of seconds.

"Those stuffy men?" She'd snickered as she'd entwined her arms over my shoulders seductively. ".. and Larxene…" She'd rolled her eyes when she'd mentioned the lightning vixen.

I could hear it in her voice.

I'd begun to shake in my impressive fear, unable to throw her off of me.

She'd leaned on only one foot, pressing her body…and her ample breast…firmly against my back.

"Like I'd be caught dead in that coat anyway."

Looking back at how scared I'd been in that one moment… I regret so much more that I couldn't bring myself to tell him.

Maybe Kairi was right.

Maybe this would not have happened.

Funny the thoughts given to us in fear.

A/N: the reason his thoughts are so frantic is because he approaching the time change… the flips in tense here are on purpose.

"Not that they didn't ask me.. they'd begged actually."

She's sounded so immature to me.. like a young child filled with pride.

A familiar childish ego I'd associated with my own darkness.

"But when I was real, my heart was so much stronger than theirs' were."

She'd leaned into my ear and blew. The shock caused my body to finally respond to my situation and I'd shoved her from me…turning to face her.

She'd laughed.

I'd still been unable to process my thoughts rationally… they only ability my body had seemed to possess had been to shake violently.

My knees had given beneath me and I'd fallen onto the palms of my hands…my fingers grinding into the soft Earth.

"Those men were such idiots…unlike them my plan is flawless… and you'll only have to suffer for a little while."

"WHY!"

I'm sure everyone on the island could hear my scream.

When I'd finally regain the power of speech, my tears had returned with it.. with just as much force.

"What could you possibly want from us?!"

I'd screamed at the ground… still unable to look at her.

My tears hag gripped me so tightly.

My chest had been on fire.

She'd still only laughed.

"Who the HELL are you???!!"

I'd finally gotten the courage to rise to my feet and face her. Way to the Dawn had materialized in my hand…without me having to will it to.

"I wouldn't do something so stupid dear Riku.."

I had been easily defeated.

She'd grabbed my shoulder forcefully. I could not describe the pain that had shot through my entire body if given a thousand years.

I'd even been unable to scream.

I'd fallen to the ground hard…but I'd not felt it…I'd lied there for several minutes…drool leaking from my open mouth…silent tears flowing freely.

She'd grasped her stomach to control her laughter.

…But I'd not heard it.

"You're so disappointing Riku!"

Yet more laughter had come from that vile woman.

"Sora was so much harder to break."

She'd leant down to look me in my glazed eyes.

"…Even with all your help…"

My body had been shaking so badly I'm still not sure how I'd found my voice… lying in the dirt crumpled upon myself.

"W-what are y-you…going to d-do… to h-him…?"

My voice had lost its forcefulness and had fallen into a tone of sniffling and begging.

"If you're lucky… neither of you has to die…"

I'd needed to know…Why had she hurt him?

Why did it have to be him?

Why do I have to be the one to watch him break?

"Y-You bitch…W-why…. Why S-Sora?"

I'd spat at her…only to hear that awful heckling again.

"Tell me why!!"

I'd screamed even though my throat had been on fire.

She'd sighed playfully.

"How forceful! Sora's so much cuter than you!"

"B-Bitch…"

"Probably."

She'd sat down beside me before beginning her speech in a tone of boredom.

"Well you see… Dear Riku … I'm not greedy like that stupid Xehanort or his heartless were. All I want is my heart… I don't want to see Kingdom Hearts or to own the world and I don't care if others live in light or in darkness."

I'd tried to move but to no avail.

"S-Sora…" She'd pushed me back down and I'd had no strength to contest it.

"I tried to use you!" She'd sighed in that mocking tone again. "I've been feeding and growing the darkness in both your hearts since you finally got rid of the retard and his flunkies for me…and what do you do?"

She'd looked at me in mock anger.

"You try to _kill_ yourself!"

I'd been unable to believe what I'd heard. I'd grasped my chest as the pain became unbearable.

"It worked out in the end though…and that stupid girl chose the perfect time to dump him… Can you believe she actually thought she was helping him?"

It had all been a part of her selfish plan. She'd stolen our light in order to gain a light of her own.

"Your precious little Sora is like putty to me now. Once I'd destroyed his heart he had no will to even fight against me anymore…And here I was thinking I'd break you first! …You surprised me!"

My precious little bird…

She'd stepped on him slowly until his wings had broken.

I could do nothing.

"Well luckily for you, I don't _have_ to kill you, _or _sweet little Sora. All I need is for someone to open this door one more time. You can even close it behind me if you want."

"Why t-this door?"

My desire to know why she'd broken him had not faded.

Or maybe I was too scared for it to have been for nothing.

Maybe I had needed that piece of mind in order to accept what I had been hearing as truth.

"Because I know my heart is in this world… Do you really think I'd wasted all the time that organization gave me? I was only waiting for them to fail." She'd grown excited. "Once he opens the door for me…I'll disappear."

And she'd planned to leave us with the heartless that would no doubt be waiting within.

"Ramxy" (2)

Low soft and full of pain.

"Finally!" She'd flown from the ground and bounded towards my cinnamon colored love. "I've been forced to talk with this bore for so long!"

He'd been too…still. He'd not even acknowledged my presence.

My Sora.

She'd wrapped herself around him in the same manner she'd shown me.

I'd been consumed with rage equal to my previous fear.

I'd once again donned my blade to attack her…shakily picking myself from the Earth…to face them both…

"Riku."

His face had been devoid of emotion.

"Get out of the way."

He'd been staring at me…right into my eyes…

His eyes had been so dark…I'd been unable to see those glorious depths I'd sacrificed so much for.

"S-Sora…"

He'd taken a step towards me and pointed his own sharp blade against my neck….a blade I'd never seen before.

"Get out of the way Riku."

I'd realized I was the only thing standing between his key and the door. She'd laughed again.

I'd gripped my blade tighter in my desperation…unable to point it at the person I love.

"Why are you doing this Sora?!!"

I'd finally noticed the tears falling from his empty eyes.

"Ramxy just wants her heart back… She n-never hurt me…"

Sora

"I would want it back too…"

He really is broken …she…Ramxy…All of us…

We'd torn him apart.

"Sora! Don't you remember? You'll destroy this world…you'll fill it with darkness!!"

I'd so wanted to hold him…to wipe away his tears…

But he'd pressed his blade even harder against my neck until I'd felt a trickle of blood slide down my chest.

"He's not thinking about you Sora…only himself…" She'd not removed her arm from his neck. She'd leaned into his ear and kissed it softly before she'd spoken again. "If the heartless kill them Sora…then they'll never be able to hurt you again."

I'd felt my knees buckle again as his face contorted into a look of anguish.

This is all my fault.

I'm crying again.

I'd had nothing to say. No words came to me that could have eased his pain.

I had been too late.

As I'd fallen to my knees once more…unable to stand in that unbearable pain…he'd lifted his black Keyblade and pointed it at the door beyond me.

The light had been blinding and in an instant the door had opened.

"SORA!"

I'd screamed though I'm sure he'd not heard me over the whipping wind and emerging darkness leaking through the open door.

He'd stood still despite the darkness that had surrounded us.

He'd not flinched despite the locks of his hair having been thrown so harshly they'd left his face with blackening bruises.

"Thank you…Dear Sora.." She'd hugged him tightly before walking in front of the door. Sora had watched her intently.

"Ramxy."

"I hope I'm able to meet you again when I'm a whole person." As she'd disappeared into the darkness beyond the door so had the black blade he'd held so tightly in his hand.

He'd fallen.

His face had suddenly become full of emotion…he'd covered his anguished expression with his hands as he fell.

I'd been able to faintly hear his hiccupping and gaping over the roaring wind.

Even as I'd felt the heartless beginning to tear at my flesh I'd found the strength to stand…Beaten and broken I'd fought the heartless off as best I could…

I had needed to touch him.

He'd been so close to me… So close… but I'd been unable to get to him.

Even thought I could already feel the pain of the heartless tearing at my skin, he had been untouched. He'd been so enveloped in his own darkness they'd been unable to distinguish his from their own kind.

"Sora! Riku!!"

Kairi… She'd come running… her own blade thrashing madly at the heartless that'd been attempting to escape the cave.

She'd been wide-eyed at the sight of the open door……and him… still lying on the ground consumed in his own sobbing.

After several minutes of destroying the seemingly never-ending heartless crawling forth from the darkness … I'd been able to reach him.

"He has to close the door Riku!!"

I'd grabbed his shoulders and I'd turned him to face me. The pain of my flesh being torn away was incapacitating… I had wanted to pass out… I had wanted to give in to the darkness when I'd seen his face.

He'd fought me…tried to throw me into the thralls of heartless that crept behind me.

I'd held my grip hard…pushing him into the dirt until I'd seen his face cringe.

"S-Stop… n-no…" He'd been wailing in hysterics. "I-I c-can… e-even.. bre-breathe…" He'd gasped at every shaky breath he'd taken.

I can't imagine what he'd been thinking.

How deep his darkness had become…

I'd only begun to notice my own tears when I'd seen them fall onto his cheeks…mingling with his.

"S-Sora… I'm so s-sorry."

I'd had to bite my lip in order to speak… I'd been able to feel the blood slowly coating my body.

They would not have my heart.

It belongs to him..

I'd heard Kairi scream as she'd begun to become overwhelmed.

"Y-You don't.. h-have to… forgive m-me.." I'd felt them on my back. "…b-but K-Kairi…..you mother…t-they'll die…"

My eyes had begun to sway in and out of focus.

Deep red blood had fallen from my lips and slid down his cheek. His eyes had clamped shut and he'd moaned deeply in pain.

"R-Ri…ku… I.. c-can't…"

I'd barely heard his voice. The entire world had been collapsing around me. His lamented voice had been the only thing tying me to this world.

I'd no longer had the ability to see his face.

I'd only been faintly aware of my body collapsing onto his..with every piece of strength I'd had I'd lifted his wrist and helped him to materialize his key.

Okay sorry if this is hard to understand but this is where the story shifts to present tense…officially.

He must have been able to lock the door once again because I can't feel the wind anymore.

I can see a faint image of him… It's fuzzy and broken…

He's fighting…

I wonder if it's real…..

I can hear him screaming now as I let myself sink into the darkness around me.

A darkness that promised no more pain…

"RIKU!!"

Nothing is sweet anymore.. it tastes like dirt….

I want to taste the sea-salt ice-cream again….

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(1) The reference here is to Xehanort's name. If you didn't already know… the nobodies used their original names, added an x and scrambled it to get their names they use.. hence why organization XII is romanized in the Japanese version of the game. SoraX Roxas NoHeartX Xehanort

(2) If you didn't figure this out…. This is my original character.. never in the games.. Her name is MaryX Ramxy.

Holy fuck this chapter was long-looking… It took forever to type up…..

Mary is not a bad person… hopefully she'll come back.. I'm still working on the next pieces of the story… I'm gonna draw her one day.. R&R please………… ::begs:: PLEASE??!! .. I'm trying to use this story to procrastinate on my others… and… homework ::cough:: fricking college… If you find mistakes…poo on you again! Be my beta!!! R&R!!!

-Littlewolflover-


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